In a forest of hundred thousand trees, no two leaves are alike. And no two journeys along the same path are alike.
That night I could not sleep. I silently slipped out of my bed went ahead and unbolted the door which directed me to the balcony. Whenever I am low in spirit, the company of plants planted there helps me in uplifting my mood, but that day I was afraid that it would also not help me. All the plants in my garden on account of being watered in the evening were glistening at the touch of moon light. They radiated a rare feeling of pleasantness in that odd hour of night too. Suddenly I was engulfed by silence, a stillness which was disturbed by the sounds produced by night moths. My mind swayed along with the silent murmur of occasional breeze which also made the leaves to dance. That night perfectly symbolized “Celebration of life” at least for me. A point when we feel we are one with the nature. But my deep remorse that night prevented me from enjoying things as it was. I was sad, my love for my Little Angel, the tragedy that she faced alone, the very thought of it made me feel melancholic.
I still remember the day when my sister introduced her best friend’s younger sister as ‘Little Angel’ to me. Her sparkling eyes caught my attention soon, and from that day on for a year she became the companion of this 5 years old girl which I was then. She must be of three. A chubby baby girl with curly hair, rosy lips, tiny hands and above all she possessed a magical power to own all the hearts that looked at her adorable face.
Second time when I met her she must be six. She had grown into a skinny girl, a chirpy little girl who could be easily swayed off or persuaded, for she could do anything out of her innocent love for all those who would play with her. For her every human touch was touch of pure love, for she knew no falsity. Her innocent face was just like a new moon, very radiant and transparent.
And for the final time when I met her she was 15. I was taken aback when I met her. Unlike her olden days she had transformed completely into an introvert, who was living in her own isolated world cut off from friends and family. Her shining pair of eyes had completely lost its glow and it was sunken deep inside and remained tucked to the eyes socket. I tried to strike a conversation, but she avoided it at the pretext of lack of time preparing for her 10th standard exams. I wondered at the transformation that this girl had underwent and thought in my mind that something is severely wrong with her. I suspended my thoughts thinking that it must be the examination pressure, but still I was not convinced.
After few days what I could hear was that this girl had committed suicide. We were totally taken aback. Even after passage of a week to this incident we could not understand what prompted this girl to attempt suicide. As police enquires failed to gather any evidence, they had to forcibly close the case. Keeping to the standards, onlookers started to guess, to contemplate various reasons behind this mystery, and the reasons varied as per the imaginative power of the people. Years passed, but that incident still lingers fresh in my mind as an unresolved riddle. Some where I desired to know the reason as to why my Little Angel committed suicide. I knew her well and that refrained me from believing in stories cooked by society. After her tragic end, her family shifted and we never met again. Years passed.
It was at this time by chance that I met Little Angel’s elder sister, my sister’s one time best friend. She invited me home and I was so happy to meet her again, that I was quick to accept the invitation. It was a fine Sunday morning, and I was there at their doors. At that time I felt like I was 5 again and a sudden anticipation that I would be welcomed with the same warmth and love which I experienced as a kid on visiting their home. True to my belief, they welcomed me with the same love and warmness. Before I could make myself comfortable, the long garlanded portrait of my Little Angel brought tears in to my eyes. I could not control the welling up of salt water and finally it flooded out. Might be my face had this question labeled on it as to why my Little Angel committed suicide.
May be Di could read the genuine glimpses of pain in my eyes that she slipped in a diary in my hands. A diary? I was left wondered. Slowly I opened it. Yes that was her, her life’s recording in her own handwriting.
The opening line read “History will Absolve ME”.
As I leafed through the pages of it, I found that write-ups written towards the end of her life were very disturbing infact intimidating. Some write-ups created an impression that some where down the lines she felt like a sinner and other write ups made me feel that she was victimized. Her last write –up conveyed something like this.
“ Innocence is a punishment. As a little child God blessed me with much beauty. My small little hands and fingers were so sexy that devil could not resist. My small little breast which was not even a spot then, could create so much of oomph, that I was treated as an object of desire, and my innocence at that tender age, was so raw that I could welcome all the undue advances made towards me by the devil with a smile. May be all this made me end up with this fate, that at the age of 15 I am left with many incidences to shadow box with. ..many sequences of which I have vague memories. Yes I have decided and that’s it. Let the devil gain. ”
After the reading the last line I was shattered, and it took time for me to pull myself back. I looked at Di and she too was sobbing. May be time had healed her, but for me it was a shocker. Later somewhere in the middle of conversation she mentioned that little Angel was victimized. She was sexually abused by one of the most trusted family friend as a child and she didn’t know how to convey her pain or cope up with the situation which ultimately culminated in her deciding to end her life and suffering. With a heavy heart I left the place. . Though I earnestly wished to make the world aware of the heinous crime that snatched my Little Angels right to life, till date I have refrained from sharing the mystery behind my her death with any one. I really don’t understand what stopped me. May be I didn’t wished to tarnish the image of innocence. I now realize that it was my lame trial to safeguard the picture of something which is long lost. In fact now I understand that such stories needs to be shared, to create awareness.
The other day I was reading newspaper and I came across a news item, the headline of which read as “Laws pertaining to Child sexual abuse”. Daily many cases are recorded and many such cases never see the light of the day too. I felt amused that laws pertaining to such an important issue are still been contemplated and in the process of finalization. Considering the fact that in future these laws may shape up, but what’s the point; parents of all ages, of all times are scared of revealing such incidents, they feel it’s a taboo. In such situations the only alternative before the parents and the society would be to suppress the issue. The matter doesn’t ends here. Sometimes parents are so very supportive that they don’t even like the kid to remember about the fact that such an incident has ever occurred in their life. And the poor kid grows up with a guilty conscience and lives a life of isolation. This is just one instance. In fact this issue has social, emotional, psychological and political dimensions to it.
My personal opinion is that in cases like these laws are dead. The law which didn’t benefit my Little Angel, which could not save her innocence, I believe, cannot protect any one. The intricacies of these laws would be hardly understood by the simpletons. What use would be these to those who could hardly spell the letters in the word ‘APPLE’. Their monosyllable speech can hardly translate the meaning of different touches and caresses. They are divine, for them every touch is touch of pure love; hardly do they understand the intentions of devil. It’s a big emphatic NO.. I feel sad, but we do have to think of a way out. Please don’t allow their innocence to be nipped at the very tender age. Let them grow in to a confident world where they can trust and value relations.
What I feel is that in such cases prevention is better than cure. Do take good care of your little ones. Don’t let them feel like a culprit, and face the consequences of something which they are not responsible for. It’s my earnest appeal to the society that no child should have my Little Angel’s fate; don’t let them have memories that would be reflected on their entire life.
